Losing weight, yuck who wants to even think about that?
It has to be the hottest topic in the United States and that is above immigration, the elections and sex!
People are obsessed with weight but fatter than ever.
I was fat most of my life. I was not huge but just enough overweight to make me a traumatized child, adolescent and adult woman. I was just always pushing the edge of chubby and hated myself for it.
I remember right before high school I decided to lose weight. I went on a starvation diet and that was the beginning of a huge ordeal with an eating disorder for the next twenty years.
I lost about twenty pounds and was running about 5 miles a day and I was feeling pretty hot.
I went to a camp with my girlfriend Karen Christensen and met a boy that I was crazy about. My best friend Karen decided she would try to help me out by letting the cat out of the bag and spreading the rumor that Mary Jo liked Jeff. Jeff sent a quick message back that I was too chubby for him.
I was beyond devastated, hid in my cabin with the lights out playing sick so I could cry all night long. I was sure I was the most unattractive girl that God had ever made and quickly spiraled downhill into a depression and a horrible case of binging and purging.
This lasted all through high school into my early twenties. I never felt worthy and knew my weight was the reason for all my despair in life. If only I could lose weight I knew happiness would come my way and my prince would come riding on a shiny white horse to save me from all my sadness and loneliness.
When I was twenty I gave my heart to the Lord and my life radically changed but there were two things in my life that did not change. I was a chain smoker and still struggled with bulimia.
I went into a missionary training school when I was 22 and I had to give up smoking simply because it was not allowed but my eating disorder was still lurking around.
Living at the missionary base was a good time in my life. It brought a lot of structure and the structure brought peace and things began to change.
Then I met my best friend Dwight and fell in love. We got married and life was better than it had ever been but still my eating was out of order.
For many years it was just up and down and God did touch me and heal my bulimia but things were just not a 100%. I still felt inadequate, chubby and not good enough. I always had a hard time believing I was attractive enough for my husband even though we have a great marriage. This thing still plagued me causing me to be insecure.
Last year I decided I was done with worrying so much about what I looked like. I asked God to fill me with peace and security and even began to take risks in the way I dressed and have fun.
I decided I was not going to run to food for comfort and I wanted this thing broken in my life for good.
I decided to eat way less. I knew a diet would not work for me so I just ate what I wanted to but ate half.
I used a smaller plate, I let myself feel hungry at times and started doing exercise. I not only could not do a diet I had to do fun exercise. I danced and I walked and tried to do things I enjoy.
This worked for me! I lost about 35 pounds and feel way better. I wish I could say all my insecurities flew out the window but they didn’t and that is Ok. God can even use our little inadequacies in life and he can also take them away when we are willing to let them go.
I can say that God has given me a new peace that surpasses all understanding and I’m just having fun not having to run to food for comfort. Losing weight has been good and since I have the love of my life who loves me through thick and thin I do not have to worry about a Jeff telling me I’m just a little too chubby.
Mary Jo
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