I love blunt, honest people. Yes, I love them until their bluntness hurts my feelings.
Today I was the worship leader in our morning service. I love this job and really it is the highlight of my week. I love organizing the music, working with the singers and leading people in song.
There is something very vulnerable about leading music in a church service. As a singer I'm dependent on musicians and sound guys hoping everything blends into something people can follow and understand.
We do two services and after the first service my blunt friend had a few constructive criticisms about the way I was doing things. The first one was fine but when he brought up three, my feeling were hurt.
I should be happy and encouraging as a leader but today I was mad! I was standing up in front of hundreds of people trying to encourage them to participate in worship and at the same time trying to fix my own attitude.
Thoughts were running through my head like,
"I would like to see him get up here and do this"
" He wouldn't be able to handle any criticism"
" How dare he say those things" , blah, blah, blah!
I went home after service and pouted! I pouted until I really thought about what my friend had said. To be honest he was right about two of the things and on the third he was kind of being a musical knit whit so why was I was worrying about any of it?
I can be blunt too!
Sometimes a moment like that can become a really big deal and get blown way out of
proportion in my mind. A fear sets in and that can cause a kind of mental torment.
That fear kept me bound for so many years and I have no room to live like that anymore
The most freeing thing I ever did in my life was deciding not to be bound by what others thought of me. I want to walk in love and love is not insecure.
Being free from fear is where I want to be for the rest of my life.
My friend meant no harm and to be honest his direct honesty is the best thing about him. I certainly would not want him to change that because of a silly insecurity.
"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear"
2 comments:
Oh boy can I relate! I lead worship in my church too and the other night a "sometimes" attendee told me that she hates it when she comes to our church and everyone is clapping. It makes her feel self-concious and embarrassed. I told her that she didn't have to clap. She then said she doesn't like to sing either!
So yesterday as I'm leading worship, she and her husband walk in and of course, I immediately felt myself freeze up and become self-concious that almost every song was upbeat and everyone was clapping. LOL!
This is one area that I am working on!
Terri
yup. it's really a great struggle to not think of what people may think of us. that's why we simply have to focus on Jesus and everything will be alright. ^^
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